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Tag: The Haermorrhoids

… World Domination: starts in Schneverdingen, of all places!
Sometimes you gotta stick to your rules, sometime it is good to listen to mates. I am normally not an “on tour” guy when it comes to mu-sick but after the Haermorrhoids show on the MS Hedi one of me mates said something like “lets see them again tomorrow, i’ll pick you up from the train station and drive down“.

And on the spot i said Sir, Yes Sir!

Schneverdingen it was. South of the mighty river Elbe, deep in the Lüneburg Heath and once occupied by the lovely Danes (1712-1715 that was). And the only time i was there was a fun occasion, back in the summer of 1988:

The magical FCSP had just been promoted to the first flight and needed to prepare for the Bundesliga, up to and including hiring new and impactful players. Came the day where the local press was full of praise of some Eduard “Edu” Eranosyan from Lokomotiv Plovdiv. With 299 games and 140 goals as a track record he was announced as Der Bomber von Lokomotive Plovidiv. That lured me and a mate down south into the Osterwald Stadium … we needed to see this magic striker.

Came the game a guy with both knees bandaged entered the pitch and to our astonishment the magic name was paired by the announcer with the shirt number that guy had.

Long story short: He was miserable to say the least, taken off at halftime and was not hired by the FCSP. He went to play elsewhere in Europe (having a single good season in Portugal with 22 goals). So much for the press pressure to buy the superstar that keeps us in the Bundesliga.

Somewhat this is not a detour, the local Pub The Haermorrhoids where set to play is an obvious outlier in the region: Home of an FC St. Pauli Fan Club and home to very different mu-sick (in the eyes of the locals).

Welcome to the Blue Bird, Schneverdingen.

The Blue Bird in Schneverdingen, a tiny pub in a residential area – and crowded!

Upon seeing the program we got tempted to return to Pariahlord (cool name) but Stoner Rock? Come on!

Tough choices for the locals!

The place is simply a small pub in a residential area, making us wonder about noise concerns from the surrounding neighbors. But i guess the owner has a good relationship and he also makes sure that it does not get too late.

Kick-off was at 21:00 and The Haermorrhoids took the ~~stage~~ naah took the floor. One of the 3 small rooms was converted to “backstage”, the entry room was the stage and the 3rd room with the bar was … bloody hell, packed with locals. Many regular, older, country side pub goers.

A bit of a difficult and sub-optimal setup for touring world stars to come but hey, it is these types of gigs that you need to have under the belt in large number to excel on the big stages.
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The Haermorrhoids (Blue Bird, Schneverdingen, 29.03.2024 (c) gehkacken.de 2024
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They took the same set as on the MS Hedi and simply went on to deliver.

The Haermorrhoids – Setlist (Blue Bird, Schneverdingen, 29.03.2024 (c) gehkacken.de)

I guess within 13 minutes they had bashed out 9 songs and left some of the locals blasted away. They got some applause and some people even cheered them up.

The obvious question How did it sound? – it sounded like 1984:

Under the circumstances (more a rehearsal room setup than a show setup) it was actually not too bad, a wee bid annoying was that people entering the pub actually had to side-step the 2nd guitar (or wait for a break).
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The Haermorrhoids (Blue Bird, Schneverdingen, 29.03.2024 (c) gehkacken.de 2024
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Whereas The Haermorrhoids the day before on the MS Hedi where tight, together and without any slippage … Schneverdingen was not turning out in the same way as a perfect set.

Not sure if it was the setup or if they relaxed too much prior to the show, i guess to an extend it was like a professional footie team in a pre-season game away at an amateur side. Not everything works, energy and concentration levels tend to go down the bog.

Still, they finished with some extras and my loveliest song, Overdose:

Ups, not all ready for DNA.

That is what you can only iron out with much more frequent touring and getting yourself fully into it. Which i trust they will do, they got 8 days to go from here (conquered Schneverdingen, next the World).

Neat side step south from the big city, utmost nice location with friendly people and should i ever end up in Schneverdingen and thirsty, this is where i would go.

It was now 22:00 and we simply jumped back into the car. Our driver got safely back to the train station and i jumped onto the S-Bahn and was home in like a breeze – thanks for the perfect service mate and thanks for the persuasion, you are indeed a sales man!

And The Haermorrhoids? Hopefully play better stages, with plenty of listeners turning to fans and come home exhausted, all merch sold, still together and an even tighter outfit that takes on the World next.

2 down, 8 to go! Go and see them!
2024/03/30
… early Easter, early start: Showboating with loads of fun!
It is not only me, also plenty of me mates share the desire to see The Haermorrhoids making it big. For a start (though a wee bit of a tiny start) they have setup a short tour through Germany, Dutchistan, Belgium and back to Germany: 10 shows in 10 days.

Kick off was sure on home turf, this time round on the MS Hedi supporting Autogramm from yonder side of the Atlantic.

Technically speaking it turned into a tour on the MS Claudia, as the MS Hedi was not available. The good thing with that was that slightly more people could be taken on board, so the packed tour turned into an even more packed tour.

The Haermorrhoids kicked off and from the start proved that they set sail for the tour as a well rehearsed outfit. Banger after banger, little chit-chat between the songs. Also no hick-ups.
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The Haermorrhoids (MS Hedi, Hamburg, 28.03.2024 (c) gehkacken.de 2024
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Playing on a boat to an extend is also falling victim to the weather, luckily the mighty river Elbe was calm and thus the audience (standing 5 cm away from the musicians) was not falling into them (and vice-versa).

They even attempted (and mastered) a new song never before played live, much to the joy of the audience. And as much as the outside was gray and rainy, the inside of the MS Claudia heated up nicely – fueled by The Haermorrhoids and their crisp Ramonescore.
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The Haermorrhoids (MS Hedi, Hamburg, 28.03.2024 (c) gehkacken.de 2024
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If anything, then this show yet again has proven that they keep it too small, to low profile. I do hope they lick blood on this short run and i also do hope for them that they say “Yes – go!” if even a glimpse of hitting it bigger – much bigger actually – comes around.

Make sure you check them out – start with their 2nd and latest LP:
<a href="https://momsbasementrecords.bandcamp.com/album/the-haermorrhoids-at-the-earths-core">The Haermorrhoids – At The Earth's Core by Mom’s Basement Records</a>
Remember, they are the best band in the world (according to Luke).

( (c) gehkacken.de 2024)

And Luke, as you can see, is able to drink the Jever double handed. As such he is an authority you must trust, period!

The Haermorrhoids finished their hour just about when the MS Claudia was pulling dockside to replanish drinks and unload not needed gear. That gave way for the 2nd one hour sail through the harbor, mu-sick-al joy to be provided by Autogramm (technically from Vancouver, CA but with members from Vancouver, Seattle and Chicago).

It was their 2nd show ever in Hamburg and their first on a tiny cruise vessel through a large harbor, with a large city (the most beautiful city in the world, actually) as the backdrop.

Where The Haermorrhoids where Ramonescore (and thus very 70s), Autogramm are surprisingly 80s (and that in a very clever way). The Internet (damn Internet, never forgets) puts that in a few choice words (and references):
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If you've been hankering after some old school Tubeway army style alt-punk, then get an ear full of this: it’s the Cars driving Numan around listening to some real ‘80s radio before checking out Duncan Reid, it's that catchy.

(Dom Daley in Uber Rock Magazine)
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From the start Autogramm lived up to that promise. Pure Pop in power mode, melodies and umpf plus a fitting synthie (and sometimes … less so fitting). On top soft vocals, catchy refrains and multi-vocal choruses. And a stunning visual opposite to that mu-sick-al cupboard.
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Autogramm (MS Hedi, Hamburg, 28.03.2024 (c) gehkacken.de 2024
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They played their normal set i guess and also spend some time to enjoy both setup on the MS Claudia and the surrounding in the harbor up to and including the views on a harbor at work. And because they played their normal set they where done well before the MS Claudia was back at the Landungsbrücken.

Whilst they started to pack up the audience insisted that they would only be done if the vessle is back at the mooring, so they unpacked and hit the lot with a real cool extra (that even has a video and a story):

(Note: Live it had more power and was a great sing-a-long)

And the story?
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It’s kind of tongue in cheek, being well aware that we are neither kids nor cool. We took the song and changed it to sound more 80’s and part of the Autogramm sound, adding keys and harmonies. The video is about a secret murderer loose in the forest around a camp site. It’s supposed to be a throwback to those cheesy 80’s campsite horror movies.

The video is based on a story/concept, ‘Unknown Caller’, by Jeffry Lee loosely and was inspired by 1974 Canadian psychological slasher film ‘Black Christmas’. It was shot on location at Lakeside Motel and Campground on British Columbia’s Sunshine Coast. 

Vocalist/guitarist Jiffy Marx says of the video:”I’ve always wanted to shoot a movie at Lakeside. It’s rustic simplicity seems frozen in time making it the perfect setting for a classic summer camp goofball comedy meets cabin in the woods slasher flick.”
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A perfect ending for a cool set, they even had the female contingent upfront dancing (whilst the males nodded away sipping on the beer). If only this would have been on a lush summer evening and without the need to leave work early (check in at 1700 on a workday is … for many a challenge).

Don’t forget to check out their mu-sick, start with their recent LP:
<a href="https://autogramm.bandcamp.com/album/music-that-humans-can-play">Music That Humans Can Play by Autogramm</a>
If you want to score the vinyl that is easy, just hop over to Sounds Of Subterrania (our trusted local dealer).

Thanks to Wild Wax Shows for pulling this together and sending both bands on tour.

I was enjoying it so much that i took the offer for a lift to the Haermorrhoids show on Friday in Schneverdingen (roughly an hour south of Hamburg), as this band should play sold out shows only. Period.
2024/03/29
… the worlds best band with the worlds tiniest record release party: The Haermorrhoids (time to make it big)!
The worlds best band (at least according to me mate Luke, who is someone i would blindly trust as he is a lawyer by trade) seems also the worlds most unorganized lot, be it timing the record release party for the evening when all of St. Pauli is being pillaged by Schlager Fans (or is being annoyed, pissed upon, vomited into – choose your chore) during the annual Schlager Move. Bad timing.

Equally bad was setting the start of the procedure via a Facebook announcement to 1900 (where the Komet almost would have been unreachable by anyone with a sane mind).

From where i sit also having this at the Komet would be underselling the abilities of The Harmorrhoids but on that day i guess it was not even sold out. Many of the regular supports where already en-route to Bergamo for Punk Rock Raduno #6, where this record release party would have been a worthy addition (as me and other locals desperately want this band to break big internationally).

As support they had invited Neon Bone from Münster, like minded when it come to #ramonescore. They are around in the genre a wee bit longer and have plenty of releases out. They kicked off around 22:30 and graced the Komet with medium tempo and sugar coated #ramonescore.
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Neon Bone (Komet, Hamburg, 08.07.2023 (c) gehkacken.de 2023)
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What they do get done quite neat is multi-vocal harmonies and they center many songs alongside that ability. And that sugar coated thingy most of the time delivers a love song (at least as far i was able to pick up the lyrics) and i would guess it is generally in the category of enjoyable mu-sick (without getting me registered as a fan).

Here is one of these:

I guess they where a fitting (and to the extend they musically rounded off the evening) partner in crime for them Haermorrhoids. Once they were done with their rather short & crisp set they grabbed a towel and lined up in front of the stage to praise the worlds best band.

The Haermorrhoids not only premiered their new record, they also premiered their new Bass player Martin to me (as i missed an earlier show in April), who joined after the recording of the record was completed (as Jan moved to focus on his other band).

And brave as brave could be – or better bold as bold must be (for the best band of the world) they choose to play the new record (just leaving poor Captain Isolation out) in full first thing:

The Haermorrhoids – Setlist (Komet, Hamburg, 08.07.2023)

And this is how they kicked into their set (after some setup problems as Yannik had to be both drummer and sound man (as he is resident sound man at the Komet)):

Bang! Off it went into a perfect and fast set of these soon-to-be classics. The sound though was never perfect, but down in that tiny cellar below the Komet Bar it rarely is anyway. What they won over though immediately was the audience, plenty of happy folks singing and dancing away.
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The Haermorrhoids (Komet, Hamburg, 08.07.2023 (c) gehkacken.de 2023)
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And what fueled the lot? It is timeless beauties like “Timewarp Incest“, the so far untold alternative story line within “Back To The Future”. Sure some expert moaners will moan sounds like … Riverdales, Queers, Screeching Weasel or what the fuck else – but that won’t change the position of The Haermorrhoids being at level with those. And better.

Go – here is “Timewarp Incest”:

What was a feel during the show turned out to be true by validating numbers at home:

Where the first LP clocked in with 20 Songs at 00:32:52 the new one pushed the boundary to 16 Songs at 00:28:20 – thus moving the songs from average 1:38 to 1:46, all still within (and much nearer) to the magic “around the 2:00 mark” as set by experts like Undertones and Ramones.

The songs are a wee bit longer, a wee bit more complex and … a wee bit better without loosing punch.
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The Haermorrhoids (Komet, Hamburg, 08.07.2023 (c) gehkacken.de 2023)
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What also was fun to see is that somehow the new LP reads like a concept album, both song rooster, cover (expert design by Patt Whelan at Thrillhaus!) and lyrics – pretty much themed into one direction. As a concept i do like it, if all of that is really purpose (more than coincidence) than hats off to the lot for making that silly but grand idea real. That would make the record an extra gem!
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The Haermorrhoids (Komet, Hamburg, 08.07.2023 (c) gehkacken.de 2023)
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Fun also to see the old bass player upfront in the audience to party along to the tracks he used to play (and recorded) and cheering up the band (and the new bass player) along the way.

And as on every occasion they finished their set with my personal favorite – so here is “Overdose” yet again:

Great set, shitty light, no oxygen, loads of sweat, not really perfect sound, too small stage and hopefully loads of records sold. But whatever – the record release show simply confirmed that Hamburg has nurtured a mighty force ready to take on #ramonescore anywhere on #planetramone – can someone please hook them into a successful tour of the US, followed by more shows in Japan and say … Italy.

#worldtouragesponsor anyone?

Me mate Luke for the remainder of the evening was unstoppable (as long as had a Jever in his hand – and i rarely see him without) to point out that they are the best band of the world. I have to admit that they are currently the most non-German band around in Hamburg and at par with classic #ramonescore bands from the US and Italy, say.

As ever when a band convinces me live i take home vinyl (or other merch), at the Koment i actually took in the new LP even ahead of the show, as some few where around of the red vinyl version (100 pressed?), so my greedy #recordcollecorsarepretentiousarseholes self was very very satisfied.
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The Haermorrhoids - At The Earth's Core (released 08.07.2023)
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The stroll home though was a pain – still to many Schlager fans pissing, vomiting and littering in our path. So me and me mate Thomas more or less ran the beauties home in record time to Altona-Altstadt, where it was a little less filthy and loud (but still annoying).

Get your own version via Monster Zero Records, Mom’s Basement Records or directly form the band. It is fucking worth it!
2023/07/10